It all came to an end. I never thought it would all end so unceremoniously.

There’s nothing in my life to which I can look back and say that this place has taught me so much except for the time that I have spent at KU. While we were in our first year, one of the teachers there told us that after four years of University, you will be what your friends are right now, so choose your friends very carefully. And friends… I’m so glad I never had to choose, Allah ST blessed me with the best of friends, friends that always stood by me in tough times, friends who accepted me, friends who made my faith stronger and never led me astray. Alhamdolillah. They surely are blessings from Allah and I can’t thank Him enough.

The time that I’ve spent in KU will always be the most memorable. The best thing about it was you never felt unwelcomed anywhere. Once a teacher said that in KU, the nexus between the students and the teachers is never based on money. And I felt it strongly. Most of us who were interested in Philosophy and didn’t have it as a minor used to go and attend the classes and the teachers never complained, nor they let us out. Not to mention that we were mostly found in the classes and sesssions in the IR department, and this teacher always welcomed us. Not to mention teachers of our own department. We used to sit in their classes when they taught others as well. We even went to see them later to talk about other books and stuff that we have come across. Last semester, I remember how we asked help from other teachers for books and articles other than our supervisers and they were more than eager to help us out, never said no to lending us their books and sharing their knowledge, views,opinions and articles with us.

These teachers wrought changes in me. And they have given me so much that I don’t think I would ever be able to thank them or repay them. These teachers and their selflessness and their humility taught us more than whatever that was in the books. They became our role models, people with beautiful souls who taught us how we should live our lives. They taught us that our lives should have a purpose and our actions should have a positive impact on our afterlives. These people taught us never to accept things at their face value and look for deeper meaning in things. And these people taught us that we have our own tradition and we don’t need to borrow it from the outside. They have taught us soo much that I don’t think I could do justice to everything they did.

KU has become an organ for me. It’s certainly is hard to detach it from your being. I think I never would have learnt so much if I were in an Engineering University or Med School or some Business School. KU even gives you a free crisis management traning as well – Clashes! I know these are bad but the place prepares you for real life.

Yesterday was my last exam of the first semester of my fifth year at KU.  I have my masters degree and I thought I can spend some more time there but that would coem to an end so quickly, I could never have imagined that. Not going back … it feels awfully sad. But the teachers, whom I respect the way I respect my father, the teachers who are like father figures, have taught me to give priority to my family. Though it’s sad leaving KU, the teachers, the friends, etc., I know whatever that I am going to do next is more important, and this is what they have prepared me for.


There Are Signs

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Last September, a bomb blast rocked the city of Islamabad- the target was Marriot Hotel. There were many stories regarding the whole blast and the most famous were that of American Embassy being invloved in the whole affair. Though the authorities wanted people to think otherwise…

Today, the target was Lahore Rescue building. So many killed, so many injured… the images wrought our hearts, the cries filled our ears, yet our hearts didn’t shake for the horror that was unleashed!

The blame game begins:

Rehman Malik said on record that it was a reaction of the Swat operation. But most of us thought otherwise. Why believe the lying government? Why believe the stupid man when there have been no  investigation as such?! Why believe that the men caught are not actually the people of the governement? or Mossad?or CIA? or RAW?!  There’s more to everything that’s been done today… that happens today… why rely on these puppets for the truth?

Taliban, who tried to form a government in Afghanistan were feared by the whole world, so America thought why not just eradicate those handful of people, they bombed the place to bits and pieces killing and they’re still killing innocent men and women and children. Taliban, that were originally Taliban, are still in those caves still fighting the nato forces and the american forces in Afghanistan.Taliaban, who eradicated the poppy fields, who stopped tribal wars and those who fought away Russians with barefeet and no hi fi weaponary. Well, at the end of one of the john Rambo movies, it says that this movie is dedicated to the courageous people of Afghanistan just becase at the time they were fighting Russia, but what happened then…? Well.. it’s all changed now. Oh plus! They grow poppy now in Afghanistan, and Americans are selling herione now for more than 100% profit and in dollars… they must have hated that about the Taliban too…

The country ,whose anti-aircraft guns were rooted on the soil fo Jordan to safeguard the refugees of Palestine, is itself in jeopardy. The country whose rulers are corrupt, American puppets or better American puppies and who are there because America wanted them to be there. People are under the impression it’s them who vote. Bechare… when will they able to see the truth. How can we rely on democracy in Pakistan when more than 90% of the population is slaves to the chaudhries, waderas and sardars? where literacy rate is low than 87%?How can an Aalim’s decision be equal to a Jaahil’s? This is what happens when we follow a flawed system where the word of Allah is not held Supreme. Beware of the Wrath of God, for when the zulm increases to it’s limits, and they spread fasaad, the Wrath of God is unleashed over the creation preceded by the warnings. Look around us, the soaring temperatures, the poverty, the IDPs, the bomb blasts and the earthquakes… but we fail to realise that we have digressed!

There are signs for those who have aql.. but that aql comes with taqwa, imaan and amal-e-saleh. We are far from that…


While going through my things today, I came  across something which a teacher said during one of his classes and which I can relate  to right now while preparing for my phonology exam.

“We have reduced life to just futile exercises of doing thingd which somehow have no effect upon afterlife.”


Reminds me one other teacher who used to say, ” The purpose of my life is to live a life of purpose.”

And I guess we all should at least realise that our lives should have a purpose and a purpose that will have a positive effect upon our afterlives. What will life be like if we don’t have an afterlife; chaotic, futile, purposeless etc.

Na ho marna tu jeenay ka maza kia”


” Thus language does have a definite  and stable oral tradition that is independent of writing, but the influence of the writing prevents our seeing this”

– Ferdinand De Saussure in Course in General Linguistics

While reading the book today, I came across this. And it reminded me of the time when we were doing Literary Theory and Criticism Course. It was Plato in his dialogue Phaedrus discussed this whole issue of writing versus the oral tradition. And the teacher who was teaching us at tthat time said how in our tradition, we still hold oral tradition supreme. “Hamaray haan rivayat seena ba seena chalti hai.”

Even today, in Medrassahs, the Sheikh Al Hadeeth, when teaches hadiths in class he  tells the students that I’ve listened it from my teacher (stating the name), and he listened it from his teacher, and traces it back to the Prophet Muhammad SAW. SubhanAllah!

What’s an adjunct?!

“What’s an adjunct?” I asked this question, like a hundred times.

My telephone line was dead and I couldn’t call my friends and ask for help. The credit in my cellphone was going in negatives and I couldn’t call them from it as well. So, I repeated the question like a thousand times in my head reading from some book and not actually understanding a bit. So today when I went to the university and saw one of my class mates, I went up to her and said,” Listen, what’s an adjunct?”

Well, she said something about some mobile element of the sentence and I just looked at her as if she was talking rocket science.

And then I went to department’s library and took out my books and started.. okay okay.. I couldn’t concentrate so I just tried to look like someone who’s very busy studying. Well, another classmate arrived aand so I thought why not ask her. So I asked, “hey, what’s an adjunct?”.Bechari forgot about her nervousness and tried really hard to explain to me what an adjunct was. So all I could remember is that an adjunct is some kind of the mobile element in a sentence, not actually understanding what it was.

Well… the exam started, I tried my best to make best guesses as to what adjunts, adverbial and adjective phrases were while doing the structures. A girl sitting next to me asked something (haaa haaaye during the exam) but agar mujhe kuch ata hota tu mein usse kuch batati naa!

After the exam, I got out, found my friend and said, “Listen, what’s an adjunct!?!”

So, yes I had a nightmare.. not exactly a nightmare because it was an afternoon nap so kind of afternoonmare (if that’s anything) that even my hubby texted me the definition of adjunct and I couldn’t make anything out of it! (lol.. seriously)

Oh! And a friend texted just now, “exam kaisa hua” (how did it go??)

Well… I texted her back, “What’s an adjunct?!”

Well.. about grammar, I know it’s cruccial even while doing literature, but what I thought in the beginining of this semester that maybe we’ll learn things about language the way we talk about it in literature- language .. something crucial, something unavoidable, something so close to you that you cannot distance it from yourself andf analyze it that way. But this semester, though, concentrated on other things (I’m not saying that I didn’t learn anything but I think importance was not given to the things that maybe I consider as important). Because I was looking forward to all Saussure, and Derrida and even when doing fairclough, I realised how important grammar is to analyze the text, to critcially analyze the text, but I think the attention was soo much on the TESL part of each subject that we have undermined the importance of language or linguistic studies to just teaching of English as a second language and nothing more.


I have been trying really hard to actually learn all the grammatical things; sentence structures, adverbial phrase, adjuncts and progressive something for the past few days. I have Grammar exam tomorrow and I hardly know anything regarding it!

“What did you do the whole semester?” ( yep… mum actually yelled at me)

“Well the teacher was soft and we used to talk and discuss things and share jokes in her classes” (lol)

Well, mum shook her head and didn’t know what to say. So I just kept mumbling about how I still don’t know what exactly these things are. Anyway, while all this was going on, something clicked in my mind. I remembered reading something about Grammar which was quoted by Jonathan Culler ( the guy I read like anything last semester to actually understand Structuralism), in his book “Structuralist Poetics”.Let me put it her;

” I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in grammar”

– Nietzsche

I don’t reallly want to interpret it. Anyway, Apart from this my mentor once said, k when we reach university, we should forget about the grammatical rules. The language should be engraved in our minds in such a way that we know it and do not need to learn grammar anymore.

I miss literature… literature… where you don’t actually focus on the grammatical rules yet you should know the grammar to be able to interpret it. It’s like internalization of rules of grammar and… OH! what am I saying… Gotto go! Have to do something about those grammatical rules!

“Oh Lord! Give me Strength”

Earlier this year or should I say the end of last year, all of us witnessed worst crisis in Gaza, where they actually closed all the borders and bombed the people of Palestine as if their lives were worth nothing. I remember watching this news report on BBC with my younger sister in which the reporter or the news report was showing these huge UN trucks laden with sacks of food items. So, the report showed how after a long long time waiting at the border, were they allowed to carry food items inside. Something funny happened then. The news reporter said though these trucks are allowed inside the Gaza Strip but we do not know if the people would have enough money to buy them. My sister was shocked and she asked me isn’t that UN aid?! Isn’t that supposed to be free?! Shouldn’t they just distribute it amoungst people, families which are wrecked, ruined, terrorized, distroyed and made homeless?! The reason it didn’t come as a shock to me was because when Earthquake struck Pakistan and the whole international community extended their hands in order to support Pakistan, the aid that came was not actually aid it was “loan”. So they helped us get loans and then look all of us are indebted to them.

Anyway, the reason I mentioned it was because, I can actually see papers filled with UN reports of this much number of people have been displaced and World Food Aid and others  regarding Swat’s Internally displaces people, and I wonder, and I actually wonder if they are actually providing those people with aid?! And if aid, what definition of “aid” are we following?! It’s been a long time since I’ve stopped trusting these organizations and their efforts as there’s more to their help than just being humane and the love of people.

Now I feel stupid! Who am I to say anything… Have I put in my contribution?! *sigh*

“Oh Lord! Rabbana! give us strength to help our brothers who are in distress.” Ameen